It's so peaceful here in the morning. That's why I wake up so early even here. So I can have some space for quiet. It is difficult to silence people, even in quiet time. I love the silence and aloneness as much I love words, talk and laughter. I cannot live without both and I need them both in my Samasthithi. More often, though, over the years I feel the need for longer moments of silence. I watched Paul having his dinner by the pool a couple of times. I imagine he must want to be quiet too.
I'm starting to feel the sadness of leaving.
***
The Urdvha Danurasana. I used to do this pose relatively well. After a series of heartbreaks, I folded the drama neatly and put them away where I will not have to see them ever again. There will be no venue and I will never place myself in a situation to go deeper than the words in my storybook. The words will be deep enough and no one will guess the true depth of emotions for those heartbreaks. For some reason, I threw in some heart opening poses along with the pain. I learned this from Neil. Our issues are stored somewhere in the body. Hips are mommy and daddy issues, ankles for direction in life, knees for the will....
My pose for the day Urdvha Danurasana. It opens up the heart, the entire front of the body, exposing all vulnerability.
So today, while I was hiding under the bridge in decent below average backbends (waist bending!), Paul asked me to do this against the wall. I was given the honor of practicing against the wall despite my rather mediocre bending. (Paul says there's a certain readiness he intuitively sees). No ego here. I just like being instructed. :)
As we were setting me up, Paul asked me how I was, asked if I was married, with children, how old they are. Normal, Caesarean. Told me his wife went through the same thing. Then intuitively, strangely, he said I'm a good mom. That I'm good and I had the flow and was connected to my practice. I forget the other words... But i did feel so strongly connected. Then he continued to help me with my bridge, got me blocks. I did a few more repetitions on my own. And felt something. Somethings. Like five different giant sleeping citta vrittis and a few enormous ones I've been ignoring all trying to pummel out of my heart all the while, keeping arms and legs strong, wrists against the wall, chest against the wall.
I had my meltdown by Padmasana and stayed there a while. Paul was about to begin his practice and I lay slightly trembling in Savasana.
What was it? It was the neatly folded heart stuff, the energy and a myriad of other feelings that came when my chest hit the wall. I should coin that as an alternative to shit hitting the fan.
After practice, I sat with Neil. He sensed the emotions. He is a wonderful teacher too. Beautiful and sometimes jaded. Often, funny but there is a quietness about him that comes from darker places. I'm glad to have shared some meals with him. He has stories to share.
With Paul, there is this energy. Like I've known him for a while from somewhere. Or that he knows me? His manner, humor, words are just so very familiar to me. It's very strange.
I feel so strongly a connection to these two beautiful teachers.
We finished our Philosophy of Yoga today. I had to ask Paul what he meant by his definition of Pratyahara. Energy isn't coming out of your senses anymore. He answered my question. What you pay attention to grows.
During the asana study, we talked about Shirhsasana and the rest of the closing mudras. Build capacity for Shirhsasana one breath at a time. This makes sense to me and applies to almost anything that turns my world upside down.
Our last session today was a sample class of what we will teach in our assessment. It was a fun class and we were served to the mosquitoes by the time we were "resting"
I capped the day by swimming (alone), going to the steam room and spending some percussion time in the shala.
Tomorrow, I will study.
No comments:
Post a Comment