It is not at all easy.
Maybe you are a mother sharing the custody rights of your child - often receiving the short end of the stick, coupled with occasional condescension. Maybe you are a leader who believes more in service than spotlight. Maybe you are like the rest of us, subject to a million interactions - some akin to road rage. When pushed against the proverbial wall, responding with love and practicing some semblance of equanimity is tough.
It's tough because it requires surrendering our need to be right and to retaliate. It takes plenty of full breaths, lots of prayers and meditation and asana practice. It takes all that to not go into thoughts that are cuss-crusted, ego-infested, to not succumb to an all-out witty, death match of words and fists. It takes so much to not resort to passive-aggressive brooding and muttering under the breath. (Yes, that's included. Thought is behavior.)
In a world where we are taught to fight back, my fight is on the inside. I'm on the side of responding with love and it's tough as hell to stay there. Sometimes, I lose the battle but I have not lost sight. I keep remembering, even belatedly, that if we must fight, we should fight for our peace.
See, anywhere I look, anywhere Truth resides, I see the same lessons:
IGNORE THE WICKED.
"Undisturbed calmness of mind is attained by cultivating friendliness toward the happy, compassion for the unhappy, delight in the virtuous, and indifference toward the wicked."
TURN THE OTHER CHEEK.
"Turning the other cheek means not to return insult for insult in retaliation, which is what most people expect and how worldly people act...When we respond in a manner that is unnatural, it displays the supernatural power of the indwelling Holy Spirit. Jesus was the perfect example because He was silent before His accusers and did not call down revenge from heaven on those who crucified Him."
STOP THE KARMIC DEBT.
On one occasion, the Buddha was invited by the Brahmin Bharadvaja for alms to his house. As invited, the Buddha visited the house of the Brahmin. Instead of entertaining Him, the Brahmin poured forth a torrent of abuse with the filthiest of words. The Buddha politely inquired:
"Do visitors come to your house, good Brahmin?"
"Yes," he replied.
"What do yu do when they come?"
"Oh, we prepare a sumptuous feast."
"What do you if they refuse to receive the meal?"
"Why, we gladly partake of them ourselves."
"Well, good Brahmin, you have invited me for alms and entertained me with abuse which I decline to accept. So now it belongs to you."
From the Akkosa Sutta
The Buddha did not retaliate but politely gave back what the Brahmin had given Him. Retaliate not, the Buddha advised. "Hatred does not cease through hatred but through love alone they cease."
* * *
Even if it is in these very arenas of "faith" where I sometimes find the lesson lacking, I'll choose to keep practicing. We are all finding our way and maybe it will take many more lifetimes to get it.
My note to self: Give way. Respond with love. Let your peace come first. That's tough shit. That's the hard part. That's where I'll save the need to fight.
I took this photo yesterday. Give way to light.
