Day 6: Breakthrough

The breakthroughs we have come in many surprising forms. Today and these days, I am learning a new wave of things for Urdvha Danurasana. The heart is open and now I need to build more strength than ever. The process has been tremendous work but so very nurturing.

Almost halfway through my stay here and I finally, for the first time, I rode a motorbike with my friend, Marika (she drove, I just sat there half screaming joy). We rode past rice fields on narrow stone paths, dirt roads, a church, villas and finally our late lunch destination - Green Ginger.

We met Simon and Rose, our teachers, for a late lunch as us girls lost track of time chatting after practice. So under the heat of the sun and without showering yet, there we were.

I ordered vegetarian wanton and was so happily surprised to have tasted my very first, really delicious vegetarian xiao long bao! So good!

After that, I had my first guitar session with Yude. I am deciding between Ubud and Canggu (check out www.yudelele.com). And for the first time, I am plucking strings on my re-acquainted D and A chords. I also learned a cool bending technique (cool for beginners like me, that is!)

That night, I practiced a bit more, got some office work done (yes, I do not stop), read a bit more and slept. These are intense heart-working days.

I am loving it.

Day 5: Sunday

Oh my sweet practice, I feel you now. I am working from the very, very beginning.

- - -

Sunday mornings are lively here. There's a small market and I got to meet some very interesting people. :)

Yude Andiko who created the Yudelele traveling guitar, Obed Abbo, young founder of Passion Compass and a bunch of other folks. So now I am thinking of getting myself a traveling guitar and attending a Passion Compass workshop.

Day 4: Rest Day

Saturday is still rest day here.

I passed up the chance to go trekking to Mt. Batur with some of the folks here. It would have been awesome to watch the sunrise from its peak. Instead, I am nursing this cold, reading my books and going through some active introspection. Not bad for a rest day.

I am reflecting on what is manifesting now in my practice and all the aids that are being generously offered my way to refresh me on my path.

In doubt, the gifts along the way encourage me.

Day 3: Compromise

Today's practice is so much work as I move into gaining the strength and space for what really is sometimes a compromise on the integrity of spine and real rootedness in my hips.

Despite the sincere (hard)work put in, I do not feel the strain in the aftermath that I have been accustomed to feeling after an intense practice. All I feel is the work that I need to do and the strength that needs to be built.

I could flow into the usual practice where I seemingly go into the showcase of asanas built over the years - or I can review each one in sumptuous exploration and really experience the internal workings with deeper awareness. For the past months I have been thinking about the inconsistency of the quality of my practice - despite its regularity. I also now feel the elusiveness of those that I have already been working on. This must be the time to go back and retrace my steps.

How much have I really compromised over the years?

Day 2: Tapasvini

My practice since I got here has created so much space but in an expansive, "pain-free" way. I am returning to such root words such as integrity of the spine, openness...


Yesterday's official Day 1 (I practiced some days before too but moon days and cycle days gave me a happy resting time) brought so much re-collection. The intensity of the tapas at work showed up this morning when I spent the earlier part of the morning "detoxing..."

Hence, I came in to class late because I needed to rest and allow some Reiki to help the process but in perfect time, I was ready in time before the last call. Yoga Chikitsa is at work and apart from some minor discomfort I was able to complete my practice and my Pranayama.

In this time of my journey, I am more introspective. My days consist of morning practice of asana and pranayama. I get myself a coconut or two, wash clothes and take a bit of rest while catching up on work email (yes, I do), chat with my family, write my practice notes, and read. I then get my brunch and have some conversations with the lovely community here. That's more than half the day already. I then sit in Vipassana meditation at the shala and do my study. I am re-connecting with the Yoga Sutra Samadhipadah. Apt since I am in Samadi Bali. :)

I then spend some time writing here in lieu of the sunset I miss seeing.

With this "detoxing," I now seem to have colds, too and so I have holed up in my room with my AC off to just quietly reflect on the clear message of these days. And the Tapas.

For easy reference, I just picked up Tapas from the Wiki but the definition and explanations abound in Yoga and Ayurveda books...

In the yogic tradition it is the fire that burns within that is needed for the sanyasi to achieve the very difficult goal of enlightenment, to foster self-control, one mindedness and focus, simplicity, wisdom, integrity. It is used to develop and discipline the body, mind and character; control of mind; satisfaction of all desires - through discipline of body, correct speech, telling only the truth, correct thought, non violence, correct action, love for all, devotion to God, developing the ability to remain tranquil and balanced in every situation, act without any selfish motive or thought of reward, with an unshakable faith in God.

So then I must be a tapasvini which also apparently means "poor, miserable woman" but really, I am just practicing sweet austerities during this precious time.

***

It also started raining in this part of Bali since I first got here. I take that to be a good sign.

Day 1: Re-learning (and it never ends)

Ah, my poor neglected blog. In the advent of micro-blogging and Instagram, I have not been diligent in posting here. It takes time and thought and while I've had much the of latter, I was rather protective of the former.

Yet here I am again.

Since I started this blog and recommitted to my yoga practice, I have been taking time off every year to visit teachers - mostly in Thailand and finally in India, to learn and to experience the dimensions of my practice. For the past year, I stayed home and I have been fortunate to have beautiful teachers come to Manila.

My life took strange turns and this then was naturally reflected in my practice. This is what would appropriately be hash tagged as #Throwback2009, I am relearning everything that I was given because somewhere along the way, I evolved, took on more, took on less.

This practice of Yoga and Life has given me today, the beginning of re-learning. This time in Samadi Bali. I am so thankful to my husband for allowing this to unfold even in my own uncertainty. I am in the company of beautiful teachers - Simon and Rose and they are making me remember everything I seem to have lost along the way

I have some beautiful notes in a notebook on things I am learning. I do not know why I am not writing them here. Maybe it is also a reflection of what I am today, fragmented. I am not distraught though. I am just allowing the pieces to come back together.

Sunday Reading

Every so often, we look for clues or reminders. Here's mine today.

The means of transformation resides within me. Preparation. Physical rest. ⭐️ Personal Freedom can be found in sacrifice. ⭐️ Connect with Om. Inspiration, Success. ⭐️

The Grief of Trees

Here it is

The grief of trees

Torn by the limb

Into a scattering

Of leaves,

Of roots that could not stand

A chance against the shaking.

The almighty 

Wind does that sometimes,

a random act 

Of kindness

That we will someday 

understand 

If we could outlast

Our self made storms.

Reflections after typhoon Glenda, July 2014

Class photo with Tim Feldmann (May 2014)

In memoriam (May 18)

As we chanted the opening mantra, I thought of everyone on the planet who did the same on the day of your passing. 

We, the ones you did not meet, are grateful, Guruji. ❤️

Practice notes

It's been quite a while since I've written here. Since the start of the year, in my new (old) job, I was in between settling in and re-learning. This sums up the state of my almost everyday home practice and my life - I heeded both diligence and aversion and so I feel I am not quite where I am supposed to be. I could argue both ways. 

It is a good thing the teachers have come to knock some sense into my head/heart.

Tim Feldmann is in town and I have been coming to class, reveling in the inconsistency of my Nadi Shodhana. One day I am happily claiming my heels once again and the next day I am losing my grip even in what I feel has already come. That has been my story for about a year now. There is a difference though. I feel I am getting stronger and less fearful. I just keep practicing. 

Two more days with Tim and June brings Arne back to our shala. In this practice, it is work upon work. It must be so imperative that we love what we do. And the one thing going for me is that I do.

New Year, New Moon

We have waned into emptiness so we can start again. May your year be blessed! Happy 2014!

 

Today, I am greeted with one word. Fulfillment. I wish this for you, too.

From my Yoga Tarot. 

From my Blessing Cards in a bowl.

As I have been contemplating on my Dharma and the new chapter starting this year, the message gives me courage.