Nov 27

On my second to the last day here, I finally am coming back into my practice reintroducing the 2nd series... Laghu is still on leave but that's fine. We will take all the time we need. My strength continues to grow.

It started to rain hard here in Samadi. The downpour feels something like how I feel inside and after, the air seems cleaner and the sky is clearer.

Today too, I had my very first cranio sacral therapy with Jacques and it was very interesting. I got sensations of waves and rocking and colors. Over the past days, there has been more compassion and forgiveness in this space. I had finished reading Radical Forgiveness, too.

For dinner, Marika, Damien and I headed to Green Ginger. Surprisingly, I slept so well.

I know I am ready to go home. I do not know where I am in my LifeWork process though. I am just trusting...

November 28

And so here I am, on the very last day of this trip. It doesn't feel as if I am leaving but I feel a stirring somewhere.

My last practice felt so full of energy. Damien made me do Kapotasana. That's my coming home gift, I suppose.

Day 10 (Nov 22): Italian Dinner

Ah, Italian Dinner was great. Lots of fun in the prep.

I realized though I must be alone tonight and the dogs started barking...

November 24

This may be the last practice with Rose and Simon. Or not.  It depends.

Marika was not in the shala this morning. I think with the soul pouring came a natural detoxification. That or she must have eaten something bad. I'm fine though.

Day 11 (November 23): Betelnut Cafe

Sunday at Samadi Bali. Of course, the day begins with practice. Yude brought his amp today to play during the Sunday market. Seems to not be as busy as the previous one. Maybe because Jacques and Lente and some of the kids aren't here...

For some reason, I felt so tired today that as I lay in bed, I wanted to almost beg off from my dinner with Marika. She was feeling tired too so we ended up going to Betelnut Cafe. I liked the veggie burger and the burritos. Rather than go to Deus, we ended up going back to my place and we talked for another 5 hours.  I am amazed at the things we all go through alone and in the best moments find someone with whom you can share stories. This time next week, our days will be vastly different from these. We will be in different places and we will make decisions.

In the outpouring of citta vrittis, we find friendships. 

November 25

One of the things I love about this place is the chance to be together and catch the funniest conversations in the eating area.  Aside from the post practice group, I also have the "work" group here. Strangely enough, everyone here is working in design, communications, marketing, creative production. There's the team putting together stuff for this space, two freelancers and there's me. We sit and work together in the afternoon post practice for a couple of hours. I am inspired to work this way and feeling so much that push to take another monumental leap in another direction.

Today's practice is the last one with Simon and Rose. Damien arrived yesterday night and practiced behind me in the shala. So much movement going on at this crossroad. I am watching myself quietly too.

In the afternoon, I showed Yude my version of Moon River. Unfortunately, Cat Power's Sea of Love and Sade's Sweetest Gift isn't ready yet. I guess this will have to be self taught. But I can tune my Yudelele now - ADG / CEA. So that's good.

I hope I didn't disturb Pol and Matt too much with the longest ever version of the classic. Soon enough, I will be a pro. :)

The days are good. And life is good. My last few days in Bali.

November 26

It was another full Wednesday and I feel the energies are shifting. I had my first class under Damien. Simon and Rose are preparing for the next chapter in Tiruvannamalai (where I would love to go). Marika is preparing for Thailand. I am preparing to come home to my family. Strangely enough, I am still very much here.

It is raining again in Bali. The heat is now broken by a cool breeze that comes in every so often though not often enough during the day.

My practice under Damien felt good despite my lack of sleep. Simon and Rose have prepared me with exactly what I need and now I am being led how my practice will be when I get home. I have complete trust in this process. What I need to do is to bring that process off the mat and into where I am now. It is not surprising that I am re-thinking my place and my work...

After practice, we had a discussion on perspectives in teaching styles, safety, balance, alignment, the roles of teachers and the semantics we use in the journey that is Yoga. Move too fast and you get hurt, get the head purely on alignment and you are stuck. This kind of discussion is not in reference to only the body, this is the pattern of our minds. The asana practice sheds light on how we truly are. So much work needs to be done and yet we are exactly where we are and nowhere else. We ask the question on who is observing? for what?

In the end, we speak from our own cycles and experience and pass on what we know in hopes of being understood.  We offer. And then at some point, we also have to trust that each student has their own journey. Ah, it is difficult to capture the big things with such finite words and our own filters.

- - -

In the afternoon, I continued to read Radical Manifestation by Colin C. Tipping and had a Body Work session with Damien. It was very good. The circular movements were relaxing and freeing.

No Yudelele class today but I do need to practice. Bangko-Bangko (the model I now have) has such a sweet sustaining sound.

In the evening, we had really good vegetarian sushi and miso soup. It's my last Wednesday movie night, The Bucket List was on. I am thankful for the things crossed off my list.

Radical Changes

That is what needs to happen. I feel it now. Radical changes. Not so much in the circumstance, but in the ways I am growing.

I need a full life that allows everything that matters to happen. Here are the lessons from the mat that need to happen outside of it. 

Ground more solidly from the root. 

"Do not go too far, too fast."

Do not take on more than you are ready for.

Breathe. Really breathe into the places that need it the most.

Be strong on your hands. (Pressing the hands doesn't mean straightening the arms).

---

I need to put myself more out there without fear.

I embrace the limitations I now have because I know they will one day disappear.

I am not afraid to be my entire self. I will stop cowering.

Radical balance. 

I am tired of being in the shadows and believing I belong there.

Serve wholeheartedly from wherever you are, in all ways you know how, from all the gifts you have been given. Serve from all your dimensions, regardless of the lack you or anyone else might perceive. Do not over analyse, but more importantly, do not be fazed.

New Moon in May

Maybe I will not tire of trying again. Maybe that is my where my strength lies, not so much in endurance but in resilience. I will keep trying even when I no longer want to.

In this new moon, I am reflecting on the seemingly important things that have been set aside in my life to make way for whatever needs to happen at the moment. If one trusts in the process, one might say - this is exactly where I am supposed to be. I am in that precarious state of allowing and I breathe through my own impatience.

There are a million things to be done but only one at a time, in as many lifetimes as it takes.