Day 19 (Nov 24)

Tonight, we did Tratak and chanted the Triyambakam mantra. This was after I finally went to the pool to float under the crescent moon (Billie got to convince me. She's a lovely, lovely girl).

I love the water. I am very bouyant, like hope. This is one quality I am happy to have. I surrender to the That which carries me, Faith, Water, God, the Universe, Love. I float.

I often feel the energies within the class, some neutral, some warm. This is the burden and gift of the truly sensitive. I also feel the changing colors everyday. We all swim in this pool of energy with colored patches. That much I believe. And no matter what, I float. I think if you feel one with the energy, there is no effort to be above or below. No concept of weight must mean weightlessness and therefore it's natural to be buoyant. I don't know.

Anyway.

I am loving my practice more than ever. I am relishing the moments because in a week's time, this will be a memory. This dream that came true will become part of the past but I will bring with me all the best imprints so I remember. Maybe in my next life, I will still remember.

Strangely, I think I've met Paul before.

So tonight, we chanted the Triyambakam mantra

Om Triyambakam Yajaamahe
Sugandhim Pushtivardhanam
Urvaarukamiva Bandhanaat
Mrtyormuksheeya Maamrtaat

To Siva the three-eyed one,
the one who is master of all senses and qualities
and the one who is the sustainer of all growth,
May he release us from the bondage of death
as a ripened cucumber is released from its stalk
and may he grant us immortality

I was not familiar with the chant until today and so I tried to chant along, 9 loud, 9 soft, 9 silent. After I chanted the silent (I was counting and fumbling to find the missing syllables...), I felt the energy of two Gurus. One almost like a cameo, just to check up on me. The Other... the other fixed my head. He held my head between his hands, turned it to the left (was I off center?) and then placed it in Jalandra bandha position. Then He placed my palms up and put his hands on top of mine. I, of course, felt the tears escaping my eyes, felt the questions..am I imagining this? Then the spinning began. How do I put this in words -- It's as if you are no longer conscious of your body. Only the spinning, and the words of the chant are clear but not in your head, somewhere else, somewhere in the spinning. The questions left me and I let myself go in this familiar space. The words of the mantra were swimming over and over silently...I was not counting. Could it have been 9 times? After a while, it stopped, the spinning stopped and I opened my eyes. I began to regain consciousness of where I was. Seated with my manual in front of me, the people around me.

I am open to the possibility of these moments but I am also not sure how to handle them when the actually happen. I had to ask Neil. I approached him and told him and he knew. He knew about the spinning. The mantra spiraling around my aura. That was it. He told me I had a connection to these two mantras. Maybe from a past life. I told him about the energy. I was... I am baffled. These things do not happen to me on a regular basis. He told me to just surrender to it. It is part of a lineage and has been handed down to us, to me...tonight. That I have it.

I think now I understand why I am always protected. I am grateful and I am being led to discover something.