Day 2: Govinda Kai Retreat in Tali

Today, I had a wonderful practice. My backbends and Kapotasana were deep and grounded. As with previous seasons, G being here is a premonition, a catalyst, a certain kind of strengthening.

I forgot to bring my notebook for his sessions so I am recalling this from memory. The lessons sing to me.

We need to reclaim our ritual of storytelling and deeply listen to stories that people tell.

Everyday, we find ourselves in rabbit holes and that is more reflective of reality.

Reality is not a backdrop that does not change. It is not linear and logical and sensible. It is alive and changing. We are connected to reality.

The structures are breaking down in these times and there is an opportunity to recreate the stories we've told ourselves. Collectively, around the world, our baseline story is changing.

Practice. We practice on the mat. We practice on an emotional level.

Jealousy is the Kapotasana of emotions - we need to be gentle as we get to know the deeper emotions - don't jump straight away.

This is the time of renaissance - the time for reviving art, reaching deep and connecting to our souls. There is a collective consciousness that is already unfolding in a more palpable manner.

We need to tap into our creative abilities. Not merely be reactive to circumstances and irritation.

Our thoughts are manifesting faster than ever. We are all connected deeply.

* * *
Yes. We are.
* * *

Highlights: Stone-oven baked pizza, laughter, 5 hour brunch and controversial conversations, champagne, rain, vegetarian tocino and mongo, chanting with percussions...

That night I saw a beautiful Tuko in our bathroom. Lucky.

Prasarita Padotanasana Photos taken by Govinda Kai

more photos on Govinda's facebook page

Day 1: Govinda Kai Retreat in Tali

I am now at the end of the 1st retreat day with Govinda and 6 beautiful seekers at the Celdrans' gorgeous residence in Tali. The trip was truly a happy one with Tesa, our stories, soulful music and our strange sisterhood.

The Celdran home is such a peaceful haven with a garden that is wild (my kind of garden) and a generous view of the sea. The interiors are Filipino at heart (Capiz panels, wood, and weaves) and the energy so warm and lived in.

Photo of Celdran Home taken by Monique Borja

We had a Satsang and opening talk before dinner, talking about what brought us here. The familiarity of the chants and G's voice took on a new light amidst the sound of waves and a cool afternoon/evening breeze. It is a special time for all of us.

This is the beginning of a new chapter in my life. I am left with thoughts of transcending boundaries, a recurring theme over the past few days. As I step over the line that says there is no other way but the everyday existence I know, an array of possibilities begin to open. I am in a state of Trust. In what seems like a rash twist of things, I am content in knowing these are magical moments and there will be more to come.

We sat silently for a while before we closed our session in time for the last meal for the day.

Denise prepared such a wonderful dinner - the falafel and couscous were fantastic. I think the best I've ever tasted. I enjoyed the light conversation with the group after dinner.

I am back in my room. 2 beds with fresh white sheets. My Japanese room mate will arrive in a few hours. And in another few hours, we will begin our practice.

Here's a photo I took (that looks like a painting) taken at the dining area...

Govinda Kai in August

Should I stay or should I go...No matter. It's just fantastic to have GK back...
Poster c/o Tesa :)

karma. jnana. bhakti.

As my moon days and cycle days are synchronized, I think about these things in the space of a gentler practice.

karma. action.
choose action over inaction
let go of the results. non-attachment to results. practice for the sake of practicing.
Do not claim credit, you are not the source of your actions or your life. 
jnana. true self.
healing. connectedness. generosity. ecstasy. contentment.
look to yamas and niyamas.

bhakti. surrender to God.
Surrender. To. God.

Listen to Govinda Kai's podcast for more...
http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/talks-on-yoga-by-govinda-kai/id329900167

Light, Darkness, Love

It was of lightness and darkness...and we talked of love and connection and inclusivity and community. This was the emotional balm after the seemingly harsh and beautifully intense practice. Our energies were melding and meeting in a strange dance, speaking in movements and breaths and nearness (as we close and open spaces in Downward Dog or lay with eyes closed in Savasana...)

This was the space where words could never do justice. We all felt so much...but beneath that and beyond that, we felt love - the tough kind that allows thoughts of letting go and then, ultimately, the same one that wants to stay. When we are threatened with parting, this brings about the most human experiences and we allow them. We allow them because they are what they are. Because in the end, the outcome is not always driven by our will. There are so many deeper elements at work when we make the choices we say we make on our own.

So lightness and darkness. When we find deep connections, both are shared, and we stand in the soft edges where they meet.

In the evening, we talked over champagne and chatter. There is always so much more to the stories we tell.

Vulnerability

We talked of vulnerability. To me, it has to do with so much trust and inner strength. To be vulnerable means to allow yourself to be touched, at the risk of being hurt. To be open and giving, but to risk rejection. It means one is able to give freely and love freely without defenses, an exit clause, some form of emotional collateral or a contingency retaliation plan - No armors, walls, moats, guards and secret snipers. It means you can allow yourself to be truly and deeply connected because there is no fear of losing.

It means there's no possession to protect. Because really, what is it of this world can we truly own?

It also requires the capacity to believe in inner strength, beyond how the world defines it.
Vulnerability has no concept of self-preservation. And when we are not too pre-occupied preserving our small selves, we can experience the gift of living with passion, honesty, an abundance of love.

It allows us to live with so much trust that we will remain whole and shining brightly no matter what happens. How hard is that in this skim-the-surface world with soul takers who eat hearts of those foolish enough to leave them on their sleeves...

But I like to keep my heart on my sleeve. Most of the time.

I did say, I like vulnerability. Because it allows us to be closer to the truth that we have nothing to lose. There is nothing of material importance that can be held on to - not wealth nor pride nor face. All these fleeting fancies and poker faces.

I like that you see my love for you in this patchwork of a body borrowed in this lifetime. The light and love that shine from the cracks of my broken pieces allow you to recognize the love and light that radiate from yours. Then we can remind each other of what is truly good and beautiful.

***

Nothing like dropping back in Urdvha Danurasana to remind me of vulnerability. Open up, all ye chakras...

I love how the spaces are created for these days.

I am conversing with a Podcast.

This is strange. A podcast done about a year ago is speaking to me and I'm feeling as if I am in an actual conversation.

Lecture on Love and Yoga Part I
Lecture on Love and Yoga Part 2

And speaking of Love and Yoga. I love this chant...

Om Namah Shivaya Gurave: I offer myself to Lord Shiva,the Auspiscious One, who is the true teacher Within and Without.
Saccidananda Murtaye: Who Assumes the forms of Reality, Consciousness and Bliss.
Nishprapanchaya Shantaya: Who is never absent and is full of peace.
Niralambaya Tejase: Independent existence, the vital essence of illumination.
---
chant meaning from the wikipedia

On Purpose

I am loving everyday of my asana practice, loving the lessons and loving the experience.
Today was about purpose. But I left my pen and notebook and so Govinda's words are floating in my head and are now colored by my own remembrance.

When we talk of clarity of purpose, we must distinguish between what we see as our purpose in the material world and the spiritual world.
The material world is about improvement. We want to improve ourselves, to keep getting better.
Any kind of improvement belongs to the material realm. The spiritual world needs no improvement - it is perfect.
The lesson is in the awareness of both worlds. Although they seem to be conflicting, they are actually complementary.
The mind, thoughts, emotions, the ego belong to the material world. The material world is useful, the mind provides context and reference, they have their place and purpose. They are our tools but they are not us. We are not our thoughts, nor are we our opinions. They are only one side of us. 
In the material world, nothing is ever satisfied, nothing is ever enough. When we identify only with the material world, this causes more unhappiness.
There is nothing wrong with improving but know that there is something deeper, beyond the senses, unchanging, in no need of improvement. In the spiritual realm, we are perfect.
Spirituality requires nothing but experience, without labels or critical thought.
Often, the problem lies in solving spiritual problems with materiality. Those who have not cultivated awareness will be uncomfortable in pain.
Sometimes, when we have identified too much with the material world, we become averse to any kind of discomfort or pain and will turn to vices, distractions, anything to not experience discomfort. 
We remove experience, and therefore stunt the growth of our own spirituality.  
We must practice the distinction between the two worlds and to create more space for experience. This sometimes means removing limitations created by our own judgments and critical thoughts.
In asana practice, sometimes we become collectors...of asanas, of teachers. The mind says more is better.
We should instead ask ourselves, what is the quality of our breath? the quality of our practice?
As we practice, we will develop a more instinctual and intuitive sense, a mastery that can be applicable in other aspects of our life.

My thoughts sort of stop here. It's a wonder how these days in my journey have been unraveling. I am thinking of this morning's session and the opportune moments to speak your truth. It is liberating to do so even if the mind always makes one feel as if it is so very difficult. When words are spoken, and because they are true, they ease into reality without the least bit of drama. We just speak our truth.

I am still fascinated at how the Universe has conjured Govinda Kai in Manila in the heat of the summer season and right into wherever we are in this journey. This is how I think about purpose and the magical quality of its clarity for each being, its impeccable timing and its vast mystery. He may not have known his purpose in our lives a few months back, nor did we. I only had an old photograph back then.

The lesson for the teacher may be different for the students though they are in the same physical place and time. We do not question these things but revel in the purity of experience, deep and beyond sensory understanding. I think this is how I have integrated the lesson on Purpose today. On the material side, we have all manifested in each other's lives. Spiritually, we have all always been connected, the quality of which can only be determined by our own vibrant awareness of each other.

* * *
Post script: During practice, my toenail scraped my wrist in one of the jump throughs. I did Reiki on it and the skin has closed completely. Somewhere, somehow, my secret wishful purpose is to be able to heal. My not so secret wishful purpose is to teach. Between them, there must be a rather fine line.

Antonio and Nature

Antonio and Nature, originally uploaded by govindakai.

Pulse Yoga Studio, Manila, Philippines

Pulse Yoga Studio, Manila, Philippines, originally uploaded by govindakai.

Manila, March 19, 2010

Manila, March 19, 2010, originally uploaded by govindakai.

Manila, March 19, 2010

Manila, March 19, 2010, originally uploaded by govindakai.

Same Birthday, Same Shoes

Same Birthday, Same Shoes, originally uploaded by govindakai.

I'm picking up some photos from GK....

Tesa and Nature, Birthday Girls, originally uploaded by govindakai.

Tesa and Nature, Birthday Girls

After Asanas...

Govinda is back!!

Govinda Hare Gopala Hare

Govinda Gopala Devakinandana

It is wondrous that this was in a recent blog entry and that it was the chant of the day. Such a joyful, happy, lively chant. Practice was beautiful, as it is when I am around Govinda and some of my favorite yogins an yoginis, like lovely lovely Tesa...We share the same birthday and the same 3:00 birth (hers in the afternoon, mine early morning) and so the moon treats us similarly. That's what got me to looking for my rising sign.

I loved my practice and was finally able to get a beautiful Savasana. And the talk was around Truth.

Sometimes, our priority in life is to get other people's approval. We base our degree of connection on how many people like us or agree with us.
Our spiritual practice allows us access to discover truth. This is through genuine, actual direct experience.
There are two versions of truth as we know it. Relative and Ultimate. We know that relative truth is near proximity to ultimate truth when it is more and more unchanging. We are looking for the truth that DOES NOT CHANGE.
We look to teachers and books for truth and while this is good, this is not enough to make it your own truth.
If we are seriously seeking truth, we must cultivate TRUST in ourselves. Live our lives so that we can EXPERIENCE. This means taking chances, making mistakes. learning to be less and less protective of ourselves - not taking the safe and popular choice.
See the people who are not afraid of death are sometimes the most alive.
Say the things you are afraid to say, do the things you are afraid to do.

Speak and be your Truth.


* * *

Radhe Radhe Radhe Shyam
Govinda Jai Sri Radhe
Govinda Radhe Radhe Shyam
Gopala Radhe Radhe

Jai Jai Radha Ramana Hari Bol
Jai Jai Radha Ramana Hari Bol
Hari Bol Hari Bol Hari Bol Govinda  Govinda Gopala
Hari Bol Hari Bol Hari Bol Govinda Govinda Gopala
Jai Jai Radha Ramana Hari Bol

Om Nama Shivaya

* * *

The foundation of deeper yoga practice is practicing distinction.
Distinction between what is PERCEIVED by senses and what is BEYOND senses
As we practice, our awareness becomes more fine tuned, more sensitive to energy.
This requires the CAPACITY to bring your attention to PRESENT TIME.
The motivation to escape the realm of the senses often comes from the realm of the senses.
The goal is not to escape but to DEVELOP AWARENESS of the distinction.
The realm of the senses and the realm beyond the senses are one.
But when we identify with the realm of the senses, we create an illusion.
Looking deeply and connecting deeply is often messy so the mind chooses to skim the surface.
Look more deeply. Listen more deeply. 
COMMIT TO LOOKING BEYOND THE SURFACE OF THINGS.

Oh Joy!

I loved my practice today, another practice of being in the moment with Govinda Kai. We will miss this Lunatic Monk for a few weeks. See you again, dear Govinda...

 Today, he spoke of Joyfulness and Gratitude and so we opened with a mantra for dear Krishna (who happens to also be called Govinda*)

OM Namo Bhagavate Vasudevaya

Prostrations to Lord God, Vasudeva

Bhagavan means Lord, referring to Vishnu. Vasudeva, meaning, “He Who abides in all things and in Whom all things abide,” is a name of Krishna. Krishna is one of the most loved of all deities. He is considered to be a world teacher for he is the source f the Bhagavad-Gita Gita, one of the most popular of all the Eastern religious texts. People are drawn to Krishna because of his playfulness and joyful nature.

Source: http://www.rudraksha-ratna.com/saguna_mantra.php

The whole purpose of yoga practice is to LOOK WITHIN, to know the essence of the self and be in the present.

It is not about changing yourself but being intimate with what is already there.

ULTIMATE JOY is its nature. There is no change that is needed.

UNCONDITIONAL JOY AND GRATITUDE is not dependent on any external condition, not subject to external modification.

The more we look inside, the more we are familiar with this sense of self.

Suffering happens when we "mis-identify" the source of ourselves, when we forget who we are.

How do we connect to that source from where all good things spring - real and everlasting love, kindness and compassion?
We know when we are in that place - where we sense timelessness (like looking into the eyes of your child...)

Yoga Practice provides the context for remembering that part of ourselves.

It is the mind that interferes - with its patterns and identification with form.

The forms we identify with are such a small part of who we are.

You are not who you think you are. You are not your name, age, or bank account.

When we express great love, courage, patience, we step out of our limits.

We must STOP IDENTIFYING WITH FORM.

There is a part of us that is transcendent, beyond form.

Begin to remember who you are, where you came from - then joy happens.

This is the nature of the self - Never taking anything seriously - it's all small stuff.

Nothing with form should upset us. Become aware when you identify with form and when you don't.

Nothing that comes from the mind, ego and personality can bring change.

The solution comes from a place with no form -love, forgiveness, kindness, understanding, acceptance

These are parts of you already. They are EXPRESSIONS of BEING.

(and with joyfulness and gratitude)

After the lecture, I somehow found myself in front of the yoga towel mats. I pulled one out and here's what I got. A sign of joyful events.

*According to the great wiki...(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Govinda)

• Govinda is a name of Krishna and also appears as the 187th and 539th names in the Vishnu Sahasranama, the 1000 names of Vishnu. [3]
• According to Adi Sankara's commentary on the Vishnu Sahasranama, translated by Swami Tapasyananda, Govinda has four meanings:[4]
• The sages call Krishna "Govinda" as He pervades all the worlds, giving them power.
• The Shanti Parva of the Mahabharata states that Vishnu restored the earth that had sunk into the netherword, or Patala, so all the devas praised Him as Govinda (Protector of the Land).
• Alternatively, it means "He who is known by Vedic words alone".
• In the Harivamsa, Indra praised Krishna for having attained loving leadership of the cows which Krishna tended as a cowherd, by saying, "So men too shall praise Him as Govinda." 
• Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, in his commentary on the Bhagavad-Gita, states that Govinda means "master of the senses".[5]

After Practice (and Birthday) Lunch @ People's Palace

Happy Birthday to me and Tesa (who happened to be wearing matching outfits that day!)

more photos

G is for Govinda, G is for Ganesha...

I took my birthday leave yesterday. Govinda is in town. Surprisingly, he spoke of Ganesha, the remover of obstacles, as the obstacle. Ganesha whose name is called in each new beginning or amidst obstacles. In this life, there are many, many seemingly painful obstacles.

The obstacle is as much part of the process as success. It has as much value as the fruit. It is when we are uncomfortable that we learn more deeply about life and ourselves
The mind ascribes value to a situation which is neutral.
There are two distinct parts of life: the pure and perfect and the impure, painful and troublesome. We are constantly healing, accumulating, learning and we are constantly dying, breaking down and coming apart.
We must accept these in every moment.
We must be able to be in a big rush and not be rushed at all. Both at the same time.
Nothing is ever just lost - anything given to you is a gift - more profound than you give it credit for.
Celebrate the obstacle.

Gam Ganapataye Namo Namah
Ganesha Nama Om...Ganesha Nama Om...Ganesha Nama Om
Jai Jai Ganesha

For you dear Govinda, new beginnings...

Gratitude and Joy!

This is how I would like to characterize and reflect Life - with Gratitude and Joy. Gratitude is a wonderful gift to give to those who come our way, and Joy follows it quite naturally. Others may argue that Joy comes first, but to me, it seems to make more sense that the former is at least half a step ahead.

To live with both is truly how to live. I weave it in my moments, sometimes with ease, sometimes with more effort. My practice is the precise barometer that measures where I am...like tonight.

But enough of me. Dear GK is back in Manila!

Gratitude and Joy, indeed!