I'm preparing for the possibility of teaching 4 times a week on evenings after my ~10 hour workdays (May happen sometime next month). So this week, I've taken to waking up early to practice. I'm starting at 5.30 but it's starting to look like it will need to be 4.30 to bring in parts of the next series.
It seems doable and is a better alternative to practicing at 9pm. Besides, seeing the sky before the summer sun rises is a powerful sight to behold.
So there I was practicing Kapotasana against the wall, prying my heart open. It takes years, I now know, to reopen a broken heart that's been sealed and closed. I tried three times, just letting my hands reach what it can and I moved on to good old Urdhva Dhanurasana.
Jon, being the wonderful teacher that he is, caught me before my 3rd drop back on the wall. Kapotasana , he said. Okay. Trust and Obedience.
I attempted, fully supported to see how far I could go. On the second try, I was able to go deeper but my knees were slipping. I was asked to remove my pink towel from the mat.
And then it happened. No walking towards the hand, no walking fingers. Jon aided me into a full Kapotasana, hands on feet, forearms on the floor.
My heart opened and, as expected, I am now dangerously vulnerable and broken. Just to test if I had truly learned anything, the circumstances after that night's practice are heart-crushing but I am bent on my back and breathing. Bent on keeping my heart afloat.
May it never harden. May it never close again.
(April 25)
Thank you for believing. This mermaid will need stronger legs.
